Celebrity Dining Don'ts: Top 5 Bad Behavior Awards

I'm not one for trash-talking celebrities simply because they're famous.  It seems like a lot of folks have nothing better to do in their lives than to read about the latest sad Britney news.  (I feel for those little boys, and for her, too.)  That said, if you're famous and you're dining out, it's not a good idea to behave badly as word is certain to spread.  I worked for a lot of years in famous restaurants in both New York and in Beverly Hills, so I have seen it all, believe me. 

My friend and I were dishing about celebrities' dishes just the other day, so I thought it would be fun to share my top five, somewhat anonymous examples of some very bad behavior.  Can you guess who is who, because I won't say.

1)  Children of high-powered, long-time, unmarried celebrity couple running around like lunatics and old enough to know better...literally climbing on other diners' laps whilst indulgent parents look on fondly.  Many, many, many comped desserts for other very angry guests that night.

2)  "Law and Order" role apparently means license to be obnoxious.  Loathsome (and balding), he ordered expensive wines with not a clue as to what was in the bottle, then returned them in an attempt to impress his guests.   

3)  Mysterious fork incident:  legendary producer with history of substance abuse orders veal chop, which he then violently stabs with dinner fork.  He eats not a bite, but insists the fork and plate be left while his uncomfortable guests gobble down their meals and split in a hurry. He then wanders around asking diners for a quarter for the payphone, despite holding a cellphone. 

4)  Olé!  Olé!:  Nameless but portly movie mogul plays bullfighter with his very, very, very young date in the dining room on a busy Saturday night.  He snatches a napkin from the lap of an unlucky neighbor, and waves it in the air while she pretends to be the bull.  We all feel ill as we watch.

5) "I will have air, with air on the side for dinner.  For dessert, I will have air and if I am feeling crazy, ice water."  Sad one here....emaciated young starlet looks like she needs to be admitted to hospital and put on an IV drip.  Instead she orders TONS of food and eats none of it, though she tips very generously.  Paying for it clearly exempts one from actually eating.  Scary.