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10 Things to Never Do at a Wedding

Posted Wed, Mar 18, 2009, 3:02 pm PDT
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The day two people exchange vows may not be your special day, but it's someone's special day, so be on your best behavior -- all the way from the I -do's to the obligatory Gloria Gaynor dance marathon...

  • Don't Be Fashionably Late  As the song says, get to the church on time! Allow enough time to get to there 15 minutes early or more no matter what weather, traffic, or other acts of divine intervention pop up. Print out directions to both the ceremony and the reception (if it's at a different location). Many a wedding has been hampered by guests who got lost and showed up an hour late.
  • Don't Produce Sound Effects  While at a wedding and reception, turn off your Blackberries and cell phones, put them on vibrate, or better yet, don't even take them!
  • Don't Talk Trash  It may sound obvious, but it happens all the time. No matter how big or how loud a wedding is, things get overheard. So, be on your best and most polite behavior. No gossip about any of the other guests. No complaining out loud about anything -- whether it's the food or the long line at the ladies' room. And no comparisons to other weddings! As far as the bride and groom are concerned, this is a perfect day, and so it should be!
  • Don't Come Bearing Gifts  Whether you're planning on gifting the happy couple a Cuisinart or cold hard cash, do them a huge favor and don't bring it on the wedding day. If you do, they have to keep track of it and haul it home at the end of the night. Send the gift ahead of time, or after the actual ceremony -- at a time when they can really relax and enjoy it.
  • Don't Dress Down  Whatever you choose to wear, make the effort to look your best for the bride and groom. They'll appreciate that you got dolled or duded up for the occasion. If the invitation doesn't specify dress code, put in a friendly email or call to the bride, groom, their parents, or attendants to get more info. Black Tie means you've got to dust off that long silk dress or rent a tux. If it's an outdoor affair, there may be more leeway, but get details on the location, so you can come prepared (because it's isn't fun to be traipsing around in the sand in your stilettos!).
  • Don't Bring Mr. or Ms. Random  If you're single, choose your date carefully. If it's someone you've only been out with once, it may not be the best idea (could be awkward for you, your date, and the newlyweds). Same if it's someone you recently "sort of" broke up with. Weddings are intimate affairs and bringing in a stranger should be done with thought. Let the bride or groom know if you decide to come alone so they can seat you with other fun "ones!" And as much as you may love your kiddos, don't take them if children aren't invited.
  • Don't Steal the Show  Wedding ceremonies take all forms -- from religious to poetic, musical, or humorous. Whatever the vibe, let the bride and groom set the tone and follow their lead. If you're normally a loud, life-of-the-party type, bring it down a notch and let the wedding couple stand out. If you're a weeper, bring tissues and sit where you can sob without disturbing the I Do's. If the ceremony includes religious rituals, find out what you should do (or not do) ahead of time.
  • Don't Pig Out  If food is serve-yourself, avoid the buffet line stampede and wait until the crowd dies down. Also, avoid going back for thirds. Take a break and save room for cake! Seconds might be okay, once you've seen that everyone has eaten. If the food is served sit-down, eat what is served without requesting substitutions or omissions, unless you have a food allergy. Otherwise, pick delicately or chow down, but don't gripe that you "don't like fish." Worse comes to worst, you can hit Burger King on the way home!
  • Don't Drag Out Skeletons   If the bride blushes, it should be from pride, joy, or sheer love. Not because someone just stood up and told a humiliating story about the loser she dated in high school! Ingratiate yourself to the lady and her groom by avoiding any potentially embarrassing or juvenile behavior -- no bawdy jokes, no tales about their dating habits or exploits, no overdrinking, and no overly sexy dancing. Have fun, but don't have it at anyone else's expense.
  • Don't Stockpile Party Favors  At the end of the night, as you're saying your thank-yous and farewells, avoid the urge to hog all the super-cool (or yummy) party favors! You don't need to take some for people who weren't able to attend. You don't need extras. Take one for yourself, unless someone in the wedding party urges you to do otherwise.

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  • 1. Posted by Bob G on Sun, Aug 03, 2008, 9:35 am PDT

    Well said!!!!!!!! Thank you for being so straight-forward. Wonder why so many folks just don't get it? It's about the bride and groom and no one else!

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  • 2. Posted by PAMIZ on Sun, Aug 03, 2008, 9:38 am PDT

    THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have gone to weddings , were the guests walk off with the center pieces, bows off of the pews and all the food they could carry .

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  • 3. Posted by 1classy10 on Sun, Aug 03, 2008, 9:40 am PDT

    An addition to Don't Pig Out If the food is a buffet, try not to grab that carrot stick. It is customary for most weddings, the Bride and Groom eat first whether they are served or hit the line.

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  • 4. Posted by LINDA C on Sun, Aug 03, 2008, 9:41 am PDT

    this is a great article! ESPECIALLY THE LAST COMMENT ABOUT NOT TAKING ALL THE FAVORS! embarrasingly enough, i have MANY family members who do this. and the worst part is that they get upset when you telll them "only one!".

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  • 5. Posted by WILLIE on Sun, Aug 03, 2008, 9:42 am PDT

    AMEN TO THAT

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  • 6. Posted by David W on Sun, Aug 03, 2008, 9:43 am PDT

    I have never been to a wedding where there were no gifts present because everyone gave the newlyweds the gifts before the wedding day. Besides, many couples keep a box on the gift table for cards, especially if they contain cash. Isn't it the responsibility of the best man to keep track of the gifts? At my wedding, the best man took care of the gifts.

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  • 7. Posted by Sylvia F on Sun, Aug 03, 2008, 9:43 am PDT

    Don't take decorations! And PLease!Please! Please! Don't be a Hood Rat and take a plate of food home! Ghetto!!!

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  • 8. Posted by Ken C on Sun, Aug 03, 2008, 9:47 am PDT

    don't discuss politics

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  • 9. Posted by Deanna Z on Sun, Aug 03, 2008, 9:53 am PDT

    This is AWESOME!!! I am a catering Bartender, and I work weddings all the time. I could write a list a MILE long of the things I have seen, and things you should and should not do at a wedding.

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  • 10. Posted by Alyssa on Sun, Aug 03, 2008, 9:57 am PDT

    how 'bout don't dress like a ho!

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  • 11. Posted by on Sun, Aug 03, 2008, 9:57 am PDT

    all i have to say is, get a life! lol, i dont need someone telling me what i should and should not do at a wedding. personally, i dont wanna get married through the system anyway. how did people get married back in the day? people dont realize that once they are commited to eachother, technically they are married. if i want a 3rd plate, whats the big deal? lol

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  • 12. Posted by bananas on Sun, Aug 03, 2008, 9:58 am PDT

    Well ok i agree with the part of turn of cell phones and ipods etc, but i disagree with the dictating who your quest should or should not bring with them to the wedding . Some people may travel a long way and some will have kids with them ,to me i would feel it to be rude if someone asked me to keep my children away from a event that was family oriented and what if some of the quests have disablities is that considered a disruption they have habits sometimes that may be disruptive but they do not realize thier indifferences they just want to belong like everyone elese so i would rethink that part and everyone should just have fun isnt that what weddings are supposed to be?

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  • 13. Posted by Barby on Sun, Aug 03, 2008, 9:58 am PDT

    AMEN to all of the above and more! No comments about the bride or groom's family members - whether they are present or not...the reception is a time to be together and enjoy - relax - have FUN! The bride and groom invited you to do just that - as well as to witness their 'union'. Live, Love, Laugh & SMILE!

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  • 14. Posted by Lisa on Sun, Aug 03, 2008, 10:03 am PDT

    This was a great article. Maybe you would consider doing the top 10 things not to do at funerals.

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  • 15. Posted by Maria D on Sun, Aug 03, 2008, 10:06 am PDT

    Good rules for the guests, but if something is ok with the bride and groom let your guests enjoy. We had an all you can eat buffet ( it kept the drinking down) and this included a kid's buffet. We asked guests not to stay away because they didn't have a sitter. This along with a great surf band and the cooperation of the wonderful Elks lodge, and twenty years later people still tell what fun they had!

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  • 16. Posted by sallyann on Sun, Aug 03, 2008, 10:06 am PDT

    It's all common sense and good manners.

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  • 17. Posted by Sara on Sun, Aug 03, 2008, 10:11 am PDT

    The sad thing is...this stuff should be common sense. HAHAHAAHAHA : D

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  • 18. Posted by verynawdgirl on Sun, Aug 03, 2008, 10:12 am PDT

    I have never been to a wedding where people did not bring gifts. In my opinion you shoud really only bring a card with money anyway. Gifts at the wedding are a bit of a pain in @ss and everyone loves money more than a gift anyway. In fact, where I come from it would be considered EXTREMELY rude to show up empty handed. It is the duty of the maid of honor and the best man to keep track of the gift table and every wedding I have been to has had a card box to keep all of the cards in one place. As for taking the center pieces, I say go for it! I didn't want any of the center pieces from my wedding and it made for much less to clean up at the end of the night. If some old lady I don't even know wants a vase of balloons and dying flowers I say let her have them.

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  • 19. Posted by momma cat on Sun, Aug 03, 2008, 10:13 am PDT

    don't get drunk and make a scene

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  • 20. Posted by Rocklin Steve on Sun, Aug 03, 2008, 10:14 am PDT

    Only guests who are invited to a wedding should attend a wedding. If Mr. & Mrs Barney Rubble are invited to a wedding then only Mr. & Mrs. Barney Rubble should RSVP and only Mr. & Mrs Barney Rubble should attend.

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  • 21. Posted by kzrose11@att.net on Sun, Aug 03, 2008, 10:16 am PDT

    well i think that children should be al oud to go to weddings because if ur getting married most times ur planning on having children y not get used to it!!! I HATE it when kids are not invited!! usually it's the kids that bring the life to the party!!!

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  • 22. Posted by Mary M on Sun, Aug 03, 2008, 10:20 am PDT

    Amen to Bob G. I've seen people walking away from a wedding reception that appear to have just left a garage sale, prizes in hand. Not to mention those that didn't have it together enough to walk from the reception.

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  • 23. Posted by strank on Sun, Aug 03, 2008, 10:21 am PDT

    If the invitations say "Adults only" it means just that. Children get bored and so for something to do, they roll around on the dance floor. I have seen dancing couples trip over them and it could have been a bad situation for the adults and the children that were tripped over. It's not fair to ask the kids to sit all night, but it can be dangerous to let them run wild. Also if the bride's parents are paying by the plate, they should not have to pay $20.00 a plate for your entire family. Get a sitter and consider it a "date" night.

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  • 24. Posted by Evanthia N on Sun, Aug 03, 2008, 10:23 am PDT

    I don't get it...Why would anyone assume that children should be brought to a wedding unless they are specifically included in the invitation...Most catered affairs are priced by the plate, and bringing children increases the cost of the wedding for those who are paying for it. Using $23.00 a plate as average cost, bringing 3 children plus the two adult guests cost those paying for the wedding about $125.00...Your wedding gift should equal that expense.

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  • 25. Posted by kimboyce20034@sbcglobal.net on Sun, Aug 03, 2008, 10:29 am PDT

    I am attending a wedding in September and this helped alot I am just having some issues on what I should wear is there a dress code some where. On what not to wear to a wedding!

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  • 26. Posted by michael h on Sun, Aug 03, 2008, 10:30 am PDT

    ALL of the above make sense as either rules of etiquette or common sense suggestions. If you do not like to attend weddings, do not go--period, just send a gift. Children are excluded for reasons--they can be disruptive and expensive. And do not assume every couple wants children of their own or that your kids are darlings. When I am invited to anything, I feel honored that I am and would never break the hosts' rules. If you do break rules at, often, an expensive party like a wedding, you will be remembered negatively. Grow up, dress up and blend in ALL so that the happy couple will always be in the spotlight!

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  • 27. Posted by southernflairphotography on Sun, Aug 03, 2008, 10:31 am PDT

    Ya missed one or two - 1) Don't take photographs with a FLASH during the ceremony. Most of the time, this is a religious ceremony and should not be disrupted by camera strobes going off, and 2) if the Bride & Groom has hired a professional photographer, keep out of the photographer's way and let him/her do their job.

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  • 28. Posted by baby-got-back j on Sun, Aug 03, 2008, 10:31 am PDT

    never get married for the wrong reasons or push up the wedding date b 4 time just because u feel that this is u'r solemate some people do things just to make the other person happy.

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  • 29. Posted by lynn117 on Sun, Aug 03, 2008, 10:32 am PDT

    you dont bring children to a fancy adult dinner so why would you want them at a wedding? with the booze flowing and a large crowded room of many strangers and potential breakables why add kids to look out for into the mix? most weddings that dont want kids to come have a supply of babysitters on call for the event. if you hate kids not being invited stay home.

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  • 30. Posted by phil.hawkins@sbcglobal.net on Sun, Aug 03, 2008, 10:36 am PDT

    and don't stand behind the photographer and take pictures of his setup of the B&G, or family.. RUDE!!

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