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Ladies: Why You're Still Single

Posted Wed, Mar 25, 2009, 5:13 pm PDT
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News flash! When it comes to dating and love, it's not necessarily the prettiest girls who get the guys; there's a lot more to it. One of the biggest mistakes women make is overlooking the basics. It doesn't matter how tough your partner is (or appears to be) -- none of the good ones want to hang out with a girl who makes them feel bad. Remember, everyone likes (and needs) to be appreciated. Good grooming aside (that's a given!), the following are Foxy's 10 reasons why you're still single...

  • You Don't Allow a Dude to Be a Dude... It doesn't matter if he "likes Oprah" and admits to enjoying an occasional pedicure, a man wants and needs to feel like a man. The minute you start pulling in the reins on things like his weekend basketball game, poker night, or riding his motorcycle, he's likely to build up some resentment. So, don't bag on him when he just wants to lounge on the sofa watching football for a few hours. Just let him be.
  • You're Disrespectful... We're all for girl power, but sometimes strong single gals (aka "alpha chicks") don't realize they're unintentionally engaging in a battle of the sexes. Picking on a guy can seem fun or humorous, but even if you're just joking around, constantly dissing him, especially in front of others, is a huge ego blow. Even if you're just trying to get a laugh, too much teasing will back fire.
  • You Don't Share Compliments or Praise... You love to hear how fantastic you look. Guess what? Guys love to get compliments, too! Whether you admire the way he plays guitar, treats his mother, or wears his hair, let him know. Always keeping those thoughts to yourself can keep him at a distance. You don't need to smother him with atta-boys, but an occasional comment about what you like goes a long way.
  • You Don't Ask for Help... This is one of those little things that can make a big difference in a relationship, and many overlook it. Guys love feeling needed (don't we all?) -- so even if you're the world's most stubborn and self-sufficient type, surely you can find a few things you might want a hand with. You'd be amazed at how much guys appreciate being asked for help. Just look at your daily routine, or your weekend "to do" list and focus on one or two things you could use a little assistance with. Hanging some pictures? Fixing a cabinet? Chances are you can find something. And, he'll be so glad you did!
  • You Act Desperate... Now don't let your requests run away with you. There's a difference between letting someone in your life and being needy and clingy. A man wants to see that you've got lots going on. You will spook him if you try to lock up his social schedule seven nights a week or tell him you've changed all your plans just to be with him. All great reasons for him to run for the hills!
  • You're Intimidating... Today's women are major multi-taskers who juggle jobs, family, friendships, finances, hobbies, school, and more. All that "Type A" energy can be intimidating to some guys. Whether you're a hardcore career girl and he's a musician... or you come from a wealthier family than he does... or you're one of those uber-intellectual gals who knows everything about everything -- it's important to be aware of his emotions, support him, and be his cheerleader when needed. And do not compare him to others -- that's just not a place any guy likes to be.
  • You Talk Too Much... Talking is a great way to get to know one another -- but some women can't resist the urge to monopolize the conversation or attempt to charm guys with  long-winded stories. You don't have to tell him your whole life story on date #1, either -- including how your cat, Muffin, died when you were five or how you keep a "dream journal" of your wishes and desires. People don't enjoying hearing tedious rants or rambles -- the key is to get right to the good stuff. And don't be afraid of pauses! A short silence is better than a motor-mouth that doesn't quit.
  • You Hate Being Dirty or Messy... There's something irresistible about a girl who can roll with the punches. You can be miss prim and proper during the work week but if you can't ever loosen the strings, it's no fun. Being uptight is a bore. We've never met a guy who said "I wish I could meet a girl who is uptight!" Life's a dirty business and the more you can play in it, the more he'll appreciate you -- whether it's going on a no-shower overnight camping trip or playing co-ed tag football.
  • You Lack Confidence... Nothing's sexier than a confident woman, and that can be a lot to live up to. But try paying attention to your body language and eye contact. They are the most obvious signs of how you feel about yourself. A protective hunched stance, crossed arms, looking down, or turning away -- all have the potential to be big turn-offs. So, stay focused on your strengths instead of what you see as your weaknesses, and you'll see great changes.
  • You Nag a Lot... Naggers don't get far in the world of love. What you'll create is a very resentful guy. Whether you're constantly harping on him for the small stuff or dishing out a daily dose of "why can't you be more...?" -- the way to a man's heart is definitely not through nagging. Let the little things go because they are LITTLE. And keep your eye on the big things like: is this a good person, do you have fun together and are you treated with respect?


And check out the Worst (& Most Common) Etiquette Mistakes.

For more tips on how to flaunt what you got and live stylishly, check out our website at Foxy&Co, and our new book, Curves Rule And Flat Is Fabulous: Sexy Stylish Looks For Every Figure.

Average (94 Ratings): 3 out of 5 stars

  • 1. Posted by Tina Lou on Thu, Mar 26, 2009, 8:44 am PDT

    Great Tips!!!

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  • 2. Posted by yp_lois_cincinnati on Thu, Apr 02, 2009, 9:20 pm PDT

    Most blacks would laugh at this list.Black guys seem to live by a different criteria and they rebel differently. But if this list works go for it! Good Luck!!!

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  • 3. Posted by mudbutt14 on Fri, Apr 03, 2009, 3:26 am PDT

    Best way to a mans heart is under the sheets.

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  • 4. Posted by 2 Dolla Eggroll on Fri, Apr 03, 2009, 8:58 am PDT

    This was a great article.

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  • 5. Posted by iola_di on Mon, Apr 06, 2009, 8:30 pm PDT

    well.. my gf is single cause she bought me this cookbook called "get in the kitchen, BIT@HES!" ( [profane]cooks.com)... she thought it would be funny and I like to cook.. well.. i made her the 'Lick My Boots Lamb', and then sent her packing... i thought that was funny.

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  • 6. Posted by Brett on Thu, Apr 09, 2009, 7:22 pm PDT

    Another reason women are single: impatience or the desire for instant gratification on finding "chemistry". Finding chemistry with someone is important, but because it's important, it takes time and effort. It might take two or three meetings to discover if you really have chemistry with someone. If you continually write guys off in the first 15 or 30 minutes of an initial coffee date because you're obsessed with the idea that you need to make frantic, snap all-or-nothing decisions right now, you might as well become a nun and go live in a convent. By doing that, you're going to remain single for a L-O-N-G time.

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  • 7. Posted by jzubby on Fri, Apr 10, 2009, 6:11 am PDT

    I Love girls. They are good especially when they are sexy. But I don't know if I can handle marriage......Lol

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  • 8. Posted by grapermelon2 on Fri, Apr 10, 2009, 7:40 am PDT

    What about avoiding the wrong guys? Sometimes guys are just after what you have rather than who you are..

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  • 9. Posted by Blanche on Fri, Apr 10, 2009, 8:09 am PDT

    Just because I don't like rolling around in the dirt, or going camping, doesn't make me uptight. If I met a guy who liked camping, I'd send him off with a kiss and "Have a great time, sweetie." I'd invite him to come back to my place afterward for a nice hot shower (and jump in with him) -- and a great hot meal.

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  • 10. Posted by jeswundrin on Fri, Apr 10, 2009, 8:59 am PDT

    Also - give him a choice. Don't make demands make requests. Specifically, as detailed in Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.....ask will you or would you not can you or could you, it makes a difference! And let it be ok if he says no sometimes, men do not want to be pushed around. As far as race (comment #2) I don't really see a difference. My hub is Black and he loves to help with things if I ask him, and all of the above.

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  • 11. Posted by flower on Fri, Apr 10, 2009, 9:04 am PDT

    Good advise! yp_lois_cincinnati keep living in ignorance and alone ;)

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  • 12. Posted by Jennifer on Fri, Apr 10, 2009, 9:05 am PDT

    If you have sex with a man soon after you meet he will not feel any need to get committed let alone married. Value yourself and you will be treated with more value. But do not be a tease, be kind and direct.

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  • 13. Posted by Lynda B on Fri, Apr 10, 2009, 9:23 am PDT

    I am a good person and unfortunately, the men in my past didn't see it then....but now they seem to want me back. But I tell them things have changed, the Lord is one of the main men in my life now (I have three boys!) and my priority is to my children and the Lord and for one of my ex's to come back, THEY have to change their lives. I did!

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  • 14. Posted by b m on Fri, Apr 10, 2009, 10:19 am PDT

    This article is full of contradictions: be confident, but not too confident; be needy but not too needy then the constant don;t talk to much, let a man be man, whatever, just another dumb article, the same "advice" that hundreds of other articles, books, and movies have been based on. What's the point? Basically that you have to change in order not to be single, because if you are then obviously something is wrong with you. It's all BS. I guess that's why I'm single.

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  • 15. Posted by MsJustice on Fri, Apr 10, 2009, 12:00 pm PDT

    I'm still single by choice and see nothing wrong with it. I am happy, confident, and live in peaceful bliss. Not too many people can say that about their lives, I am blessed. This article makes it seem as if to be single is akin to having a disease and to be avoided at all costs. Better to be single and happy than to be with a "partner" and miserable.

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  • 16. Posted by Charro on Tue, Apr 14, 2009, 2:52 pm PDT

    I like women who will eat my dirty socks. Ladies, if you're not doing that for your man, then don't sit there and wonder why you are still single.

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  • 17. Posted by loupixie on Thu, Apr 16, 2009, 10:38 am PDT

    So this article is saying that one has to change their whole personality to have a good relationship? What about the man? Is it only the woman who has to change who she is? Whatever happened to loving someone for who they are?

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  • 18. Posted by cristiana212 on Thu, Apr 16, 2009, 10:41 am PDT

    Excellent article! By the way, lois from cincinnati, you can not speak for "most blacks". You're just another dumbass who likes to pigeonhole people into certain roles that make you feel better about yourself because you suffer from low self esteem. Everyone else on this post is focusing on the article written and giving their own interesting points of view. You're just trying to start trouble. Now go ahead and be predictable and answer my comment with all that hatred I'm sure you have stored up inside of you. I won't on this comment board again because I have a life. Ciao ciao!

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  • 19. Posted by tommy e on Thu, Apr 16, 2009, 10:42 am PDT

    i cant say i fully agree with this article.. there shouldnt be a list on how to be to get some one.. im a geek and a football nut my woman doesnt care, she loves sappy movies i love action does that mean we shouldnt be together? As relationships grow you tend to be more interested in stuff together even football.. : )

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  • 20. Posted by Jewells on Thu, Apr 16, 2009, 10:48 am PDT

    Single by CHOICE!!!! This list is absolutely absurd.

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  • 21. Posted by Susana V on Thu, Apr 16, 2009, 10:49 am PDT

    all the guys are the same S#!+, I don't think there's a nice guy out there!!! If they like you they'll accept you the way but if you have to change a lot of things so they can get to like you, hell no!!!

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  • 22. Posted by amileecamper on Thu, Apr 16, 2009, 10:49 am PDT

    how about this: be yourself and you'll find the person who is right for you. if you act a certain way to get a guy and then reveal who you really are and he freaks out and leaves, what is the point? let a man know who you are from the get go and if he likes you, great. if he doesn't, then neither of you have wasted any time. and besides, all of this advice on how to get a man seems so 1950s. are men fish to be caught? develop a life of your own and the person you're meant to be with will be drawn to you naturally.

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  • 23. Posted by allenmarchrealestate on Thu, Apr 16, 2009, 10:54 am PDT

    Lind B. unless your Linda Blair, God is not a man. B M, wake up and smell the coffee. Change the things in your life that aren't productively contributing to you and a relationship. Only you know yourself and what needs to be changed. Guys aren't stupid. We see a lot but may not say a word. You will know soon enough if there is a problem. All that plastic and paint can't hide the defects

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  • 24. Posted by jaclizhogan on Thu, Apr 16, 2009, 10:55 am PDT

    Most guys want a damn super model........well sorry pal not all of us or knock you naked georgeous,but I do agree with intimidating when I was 18 I had a guy break up with me after 2 months of dating cause I choke holded him out infront of his friend...I thought WOW Sweet! (brother is a Marine) but he was embarrassed cause he was dating a chic who could kick his butt...anyways he was a pus...happily married now and I had no problem getting him..plus Im 1 hell of a cook ..ha ha ha

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  • 25. Posted by Dan on Thu, Apr 16, 2009, 10:57 am PDT

    loupixie, this list is 100% accurate, i'm a psycho-therapist specializing in relationships, "you can only change yourself" OF COURSE THE MAN SHOULD MAKE CHANGES! you're finding ways to justify not changing, congratulations on missing the whole point of this article...

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  • 26. Posted by Reginald D on Thu, Apr 16, 2009, 10:59 am PDT

    Some very true comments here! Now how about something of similar type for MEN? There's always lots of advice for women but seldom do we see anything for the men, and believe me, we males need it too! Thanks!

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  • 27. Posted by NORMGARRY on Thu, Apr 16, 2009, 11:03 am PDT

    Here's a tip.... Try being alot more like Sarah Palin. As much as i hate her ideologies and would never vote for her - EVEN IF JESUS TOLD ME TO... She's still hot. And what's funny is, I don't even like women who've got kids. But Palin is total MILF and MILF does a body good.

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  • 28. Posted by Dan on Thu, Apr 16, 2009, 11:03 am PDT

    what does Single by choice mean? either you're a whore (men can be whores) or you gave up because no one wants you (probably because you think this list is obsurd) =]

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  • 29. Posted by wintersummercool on Thu, Apr 16, 2009, 11:09 am PDT

    PEOPLE DO NOT LOVE EACH OTHER ANY MORE , ESPECIALLY MEN. MEN FEEL THAT THEY CAN LAY EVERY WOMAN THEY SEE. A WOMAN IS SEARCHING FOR TURE LOVE.AND ALWAY THE ONE TO GET HURT. A MAN THEY DON'T HAVE FEELINGS. THEY JUST WANT A THEIR NUTS CRACK OR NOW-A-DAYS WANTS A WOMAN TO SUPORT THEM. MEN ARE NOT THE QUALITY THAT THE BIBLE SPEAKS ABOUT. A WOMAN SHOULDN'T HAVE ASK A MAN FOR NOTHING. A MAN SO SUPPOSE WANT TO GIVE HER EVERYTHING WITH IN HIS POWER TO DO SO. THEY ARE THE MONEY HUNGRY GREEDY, DISRESPECTFUL , USER , MEAN IN THE UNIVERSE ON THIS EARTH. MEMBER MEN ARE USER, THEY DON'T HAVE FEELINGS ONLY IN CRACKING THEIR BALLS. hOW THEY FORGET , THE Y HAVE MOTHERS, SISTERS DAUGHTERS AND AUNTS, aRE BEING REATED THE SAME WAY HE TREATS A WOMAAN. I'M NOT BITTER . I''M SMART. i'M STRAIGHT AS AN ARROW. I LOVE MEN ONLY. ONE MAN IF I CAN FIND HIM) I, HAVEN''T SO LATER.

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  • 30. Posted by pekanays on Thu, Apr 16, 2009, 11:28 am PDT

    a different mindset black people have, and you know what? i'm proud to be white, i don't think i could ever think like that.

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