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First Date Deal-Breakers

Posted Wed, Mar 04, 2009, 4:34 pm PST
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Whether you're fifteen or fifty, there's nothing quite like a first date. The excitement. The jitters. The potential for romance... And the potential for some big mistakes. If you're hoping date #1 might lead to date #2, here are a few things Foxy thinks you should avoid...

  • Fakin' It... Why invite a guy to a ball game if you hate it? Or ask a girl to a Bergman festival, when you love bad brutes and big guns? It's great to try new things, but it's most important to be yourself. Faking it can backfire by making you seem false, flighty, or even desperate -- and no one wants to date that.
  • Your Junk-Ridden Chariot Awaits... Unless she's a diva extraordinaire, your date won't expect a limo or sports car to pick her up. But she also may not dig your car's "lived-in" interior, filled with old soda cans, banana peels, sweaty gym clothes, and matted newspapers. Clean out your car, make it presentable, and get gas -- otherwise your date may end up running on empty.
  • Some Like It Loud... Screamin', smashin' rock concerts have their own charm, but not for a first date. You'll spend the evening nodding nervously at one another and trying to keep good rhythm, while the deafening music rages on. The same goes for loud bars or restaurants -- who wants to shout all night long while you're trying to get to know each other?
  • Primpin' Like the Prom... Getting dolled up in a stiff suit-and-tie or frilly dress isn't the way to go on a first date. It's likely to make your date feel like they're seventeen again and headed to the gymnasium for some pink punch and slow-dancing. There are plenty of ways to look nice without looking overdone. Guys, opt for a crisp pair of khakis or cords and a button-down shirt. Gals, slip on some wide-leg slacks and a feminine blouse... or a casual skirt and sweater. No corsage required!
  • Friends ‘n' Family... There is much to be said for the power of pairs. In the beginning, it's best to keep it to the two of you. Bringing over-zealous friends and over-protective relatives into the mix is a lot to hit a person with on the first date. Start slow and get to know one another first.
  • Five-Star Fancy or Carelessly Casual... Avoid either. Fancy first dates can be a huge mistake. Pricey restaurants often feel fussy and put undue pressure on your wallet and your evening. If your date does treat you to dinner at a pricier place, don't order the most expensive thing on the menu -- that lobster with truffle champagne sauce is definitely a deal-breaker! If you end up going low-key, you should still steer clear of cheap chain restaurants and other overly casual joints. Be thoughtful! Try a fun picnic in the park or even an evening of bowling? Good, cheap fun is oh so romantic!
  • Bed-Lam... If you both like each other, there will be plenty of time for canoodling, caressing, and luxurious mornings lounging in bed. Don't rush it. Let the first date be informal and comfortable, by setting aside the stress of, you know... (S-E-X).
  • Getting Snippy... A first date isn't the time to give your locks a major snip, change your hair color, or do anything else drastic (like try out a pair of ultra high heels you can't walk in). You want to feel your most relaxed and comfortable, so save the experimentation for another time.
  • Now, Back to Me... Info-swapping is one of the centerpieces of your date. What music you like, how much you hate eggplant, whether you're a cat or dog person, and so on. But if you spend the whole time blabbing about yourself without giving your date equal talking time, you're nothing but a buzzkill.
  • Smells Like Desperation... People can smell a desperate singleton a mile away, so avoid punctuating dinner with not-so-subtle comments like, "My mother would love you!" Or ending the evening with, "So, do you want to go out again? Maybe on Wednesday? At six?"
  • Return to Sender... Texting, whether you love it or hate it, don't do it! Even if your date is in the restroom. Even if you think you can sneak it under the table where no one will notice. Your date will not LOL, so put that thing away -- G2G!
  • Contingency Plans... There's no telling how a first date will go. Sometimes, smooth sailing. Sometimes, painful from beginning to end. Which is why humans invented emergency "outs." The problem is, contingency plans are way too obvious and offensive to your date. If you're concerned about how the date will go, don't have your "friend" call you with an "emergency" halfway through dinner, stick with something quick like coffee, snacks, or ice cream.
  • And Now for the Big Goodbye... If all goes well on a first date, you may end the outing with a little kiss. If you find yourself freaking out about it way before the date is even over, know that a hearty hug can send the same message. If you do go for the lips, make sure your mouth is minty fresh.

 
Check out these 5 Fun Ways to Land a Date.


For more tips on how to flaunt what you got and live stylishly, check out our website at Foxy&Co, and our new book, Curves Rule And Flat Is Fabulous: Sexy Stylish Looks For Every Figure.

Average (253 Ratings): 3 out of 5 stars

  • 1. Posted by JustMe on Wed, Mar 04, 2009, 9:51 pm PST

    Personally... I am to Blessed to be Stressed.. If you are in a hurry go another time.. No matter what it is Life is to short to complain and be pushy........ I learned how to compose myself working for an airline for many years as a gate agent......... Lifes to short people..Chill-Lax

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  • 2. Posted by "O" on Thu, Mar 05, 2009, 12:51 am PST

    End with a kiss or a hug huh?? what if the girl seems to run for the door when you drop her off, but then she is calling to go on more dates but leaves the same way?? uhhh mixed signals!!! do i just move in for the kiss and take my chances or what. Maybe I should do the highschool thing and ask for permission to kiss hahahahahahaha

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  • 3. Posted by Yummy4uu on Thu, Mar 05, 2009, 4:17 am PST

    Saying goodbye can prove tough....but eventually it has to happen. Got this babe I love so much; spent some time together.....saw her off......using public means.....guess what? Deep inside me....I didn't want her to jump off....I wanted us to head back to the "date" venue....or some other new place; same day...imagine! Was I being desparate?

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  • 4. Posted by johnny thumbs on Thu, Mar 05, 2009, 5:06 am PST

    Most first dates are a fact finding mission of sorts, we know that. To better understand what your date is thinking and possibly the message she/he is sending back to you consciously or subconsciously. Check out the book, "The Art of Body Language" by Tonya Reimen. It provides an individual with the tools to become a master communicator and how to survive any social occasions. I finished the book with more confidence and a sense of social power that has helped me in many situations, personal and professionally. More than 90% of communication is done without saying a word. Hope it helps.

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  • 5. Posted by Sarah D on Thu, Mar 05, 2009, 6:40 am PST

    I fully agree with the cell phone etiquette in public. I was in a coffee shop the other day and was impressed to see a man politely answer his phone, say he was in a crowded place and ask if he could call the person back in a few moments. Just a few seconds later, a tween girl received a call, and whether following the man's example or having manners of her own, handled her call equally as well. She was seemed torn with what to do as she held the looked at who was calling her, clearly feeling that she needed to take the call, she asked if they would wait as she politely stepped outside. Perhaps people are finally learning basic courtesy; if everyone would use their cell phones the way these two did the world would be a much better place.

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  • 6. Posted by Twylla I on Thu, Mar 05, 2009, 7:14 am PST

    I went on a date and he could not get off his cell phone. It wasnt important calls either. I sat thru a whole meal while he talked with his son who he told me he hadnt spoken to for over a month. The son lives 5 mi away. If I would have had my car outside, I would have left.

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  • 7. Posted by hornhonker on Fri, Mar 06, 2009, 8:53 am PST

    Still waiting to document in the guiness book of world records,"The first woman to buy a man's dinner or lunch.

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  • 8. Posted by Yummy4uu on Sat, Mar 07, 2009, 7:52 am PST

    Hi....hornhonker.....that you male or female? Lots of ladies are getting "liberated" and would feel glad to pick up the bill. If you are female, kuddos! If you are male, you'll soon possibly meet such a liberated lady.

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  • 9. Posted by jimmyrb01 on Tue, Mar 10, 2009, 8:33 pm PDT

    Being single is blissful, no stress, no F.B.S

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  • 10. Posted by liela on Tue, Mar 10, 2009, 8:36 pm PDT

    It seems like all guys want to do is take you to bed. I have never dated a guy who didn't try to take me to bed on the first date, except for one and he isn't even from this country. It is crazy. I just don't fall for it.

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  • 11. Posted by nadlerbc on Tue, Mar 10, 2009, 8:45 pm PDT

    This is kinda stupid. There isn't one guide for all women. Be yourself. Do what seems to work out for who you care about!

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  • 12. Posted by Bill C on Tue, Mar 10, 2009, 8:46 pm PDT

    Khakis? Seriously ladies, you like guys in Khakis? I suppose The Gap is your ideal setting for the first date too? You've lsot all credibility with me..

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  • 13. Posted by Jordy R on Tue, Mar 10, 2009, 8:51 pm PDT

    hmmmm..... I still have no idea lol...

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  • 14. Posted by marshmallow_addict on Tue, Mar 10, 2009, 8:52 pm PDT

    It didn't really go over what you shouldn't talk about on a first date though. I had a date where immediately after our food came the guy told me he liked looking at pictures of naked women. He liked to admire them. I felt like walking right there. After the waitress brought the check he then said that sometimes women will offer to pay. He asked me out, so he should pay. Not vice versa. That's just tacky.

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  • 15. Posted by verinon1 on Tue, Mar 10, 2009, 8:55 pm PDT

    ugh, when dealing with women, I've learned a very important lesson: You are GUILTY until proven INNOCENT!

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  • 16. Posted by caridee on Tue, Mar 10, 2009, 8:56 pm PDT

    why is there an expectation of sex these days?

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  • 17. Posted by Rachel B on Tue, Mar 10, 2009, 9:00 pm PDT

    hornhonker.. i paid for a guy on our first date... i also like to offer to pay for half of the bill. i only dated two guys who would never ever ever let me pay..a nd if i even looked at the check, he'd get upset. now my fiance and i split the check or take turns paying for things in general.

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  • 18. Posted by tonyb7333 on Tue, Mar 10, 2009, 9:00 pm PDT

    liela...... you must be a hottie! smart too

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  • 19. Posted by LLE on Tue, Mar 10, 2009, 9:01 pm PDT

    I'm so glad I never had to deal with dating after high school.

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  • 20. Posted by Lars B on Tue, Mar 10, 2009, 9:03 pm PDT

    I always approached first dates like jumping to a cold swimming pool.... jump in and get used to the water or don't waste time it's just too cold.

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  • 21. Posted by horsegurlie2007 on Tue, Mar 10, 2009, 9:03 pm PDT

    verinon1 - this is because of bad experiences with other guys... if you're not like that than props to you... but sadly a lot of guys aren't gentlemen.

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  • 22. Posted by on Tue, Mar 10, 2009, 9:08 pm PDT

    There is nothing wrong with asking a woman out for a second date at the end of the first, if it has obviously gone well. I personally get caught up in gauging levels of attraction sometimes. Sometimes women attack me, and sometimes women are attracted to me, but I don't know how much. A man can judge a woman's thermometer by how she kisses you. If you go in with a small lips kiss, and she responds with the same, I would keep it at that, and not go for full fledged tongue. All this notwithstanding, if it's the one, it's the one, and things will flow naturally.

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  • 23. Posted by ashwin_49ers on Tue, Mar 10, 2009, 9:11 pm PDT

    i agree with Bill C. wtf khakis?

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  • 24. Posted by ashwin_49ers on Tue, Mar 10, 2009, 9:11 pm PDT

    i agree with Bill C. wtf khakis?

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  • 25. Posted by 1LilStinkerIAm on Tue, Mar 10, 2009, 9:14 pm PDT

    I surely remember dating as being an awful, high - pressure time, concerned about weather he likes you or not, did you look nice enough, etc. I am quite familiar with the knowledge a lot of women are liberated, out spoken, and not a bit afraid of expressing themselves. I was NOT one of these young ladies. I have been married to my husband now nearing 12 years, we have two boys together, 7 & 9. I want to tell you guys out there as unsure as you are, trust me, she probably is too. I never had a clue how many guys actually liked me for more than just a friend (I had a lot of "guy friends") and just never got up the nerve to tell me until too late, and oh trust me, when I found out I went in shock. Not to say I was ready to run out and get a divorce mind you, but there's a lot to be said about "what might have been". So, guys, AND gals, if you really peak an interest in the other one on your date, LET them know! There are polite endings such as "I really enjoyed myself", or "I do hope we meet again" without seeming desperate. Oh, and, let's show my age now, pagers were the big interruption then, I could only imagine the texting and cell phone rudeness. I would strongly advise they be turned off unless you are say, closer to my age (32 ok) and have children with a baby sitter, set it to vibrate and simply ask to be excused for a moment while you find out what's up with your little one(s). Perhaps I'm a bit old fashion, but I truly believe a little courtesy goes a long way. God bless and I do hope this helps some of you out there searching for your one and only. ~S~

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  • 26. Posted by nightshadow97 on Tue, Mar 10, 2009, 9:16 pm PDT

    Sigh, I haven't dated in Years

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  • 27. Posted by Jessica P on Tue, Mar 10, 2009, 9:17 pm PDT

    why are these two women giving this common sense advice? come on people, do we really need to be told how to do things? plus, what do these writers know about dating? they're "advice" is simplistic. anyone could figure these "tips" out on his/her own. overall, boo to these two know-it-alls.

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  • 28. Posted by 1LilStinkerIAm on Tue, Mar 10, 2009, 9:18 pm PDT

    Oh yes, and guys, NO KHAKI'S....UGH!

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  • 29. Posted by missjeannemarie on Tue, Mar 10, 2009, 9:21 pm PDT

    I wish that women would realize where their true value is; I mean the value within themselves as empowered, beautiful people that do not, I repeat do not need to use their bodies, sex or sexuality to get attention from their men, through educators, their employers and others. Be yourself. Imagine that you can make a difference as a human being, not a sex object. Ho-Hum from a social worker having worked with ka-zillions of women whose focus has been on pleasing their man, that and only that - boo-hoo, let's get together and believe in the finer things. xo Jeanne Marie Ferguson, LCSW

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  • 30. Posted by Lisaloha on Tue, Mar 10, 2009, 9:21 pm PDT

    I actually met a very nice (handy AND handsome!) man in Home Depot. I saw him in the light bulbs, and realized that I needed some, too! I puzzled over the quantity vs. price question long enough to justify saying something out loud, like "I just can't decide if I really need the dozen bulbs just to save $3". He chuckled and we struck up a short conversation. About 20 minutes later, I spied him in the hammers, and yup, I needed something there, too. We talked for almost an hour this time, exchanged numbers and.... well, you get the picture. Seems that some men actually appreciate a woman who knows the business end of a hammer and can talk intelligently about cordless drills! Go figure....

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