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While food is an important part of any dinner date, there's still the whole date part to consider. With Valentine's Day quickly approaching, I asked relationship experts--and davidburke & donatella regulars--Kristina Grish and Scott Mebus to offer some advice on dating etiquette. The recently married pair compiled a he said/she said list for each gender that will impress a first date or long-time flame.
Ladies:
1. Don't ever order the most expensive thing on the menu. It may seem like the perfect time to see how lobster and steak taste together, but guys don't like to think they're being taken advantage of.
2. Please have a glass of wine or cocktail at dinner (or two, if you're saucy), but try to avoid the Maui Sunrise with the jumbo straw and glass the size of your head. A mildly tipsy woman is fun; a roaring drunk woman is one car ride away from being dropped off on her front lawn.
3. Please order a dessert, either to share or for yourself. Guys care a lot less about your whole calorie regimen than you think we do, plus we also like more time to talk, which a nice leisurely dessert pleasantly provides.
4. Don't mention ex-boyfriends. Not even if he was the lead singer of Pavement. We just don't want to know.
5. Feel free to ask to sample your date's dinner, just let him parcel out the portion. No guy likes to watch his steak disappear before his very eyes while he can do nothing about it.
6. Don't go overboard on your make-up, even if you have a blemish. A small, hardly noticeable spot on your chin is infinitely preferable to the kabuki mask you slather on in your efforts to hide that you are in fact a human being.
7. A great date involves balance in the conversation: don't talk too much or too little about yourself. Going overboard in either direction can paint you as too self-involved or too self-protective.
8. If he dressed nice (and here's hoping he did), let him know. Guys like a little ego boost now and again too.
9. Don't be afraid to laugh like an idiot. Decorum is for lunch with clients, not dinner with the boy you like.
10. Even if you asked him out, give him a chance to pick up the tab (even if you end up treating or splitting). I know we live in a world of equality and all, but some things make a guy feel good and picking up dinner is often one of them.
Men:
1. If you're choosing the restaurant, run it past three platonic girlfriends. You might love the local trattoria for its friendly waiters and free Limoncello, but it's the ladies who remember bad lighting, dingy bathrooms and day-old fruit garnishes.
2. Pick a date up for dinner, even if she lives next door; and if you're having drinks after work, swing by the office. Meeting at the restaurant simply reads as half-hearted. Women appreciate men who put their needs first, if just for the night.
3. For the love of button downs, don't you dare tuck in your shirt! Unless you're dining at the country club or a jacket-required establishment, you'll risk looking like your father en route to the 18th hole (and there's nothing hot about that).
4. Pay your date a very specific compliment that shows you're paying attention. Nice eyes? She's heard it. Cute dimples? Much better.
5. When looking over the menu, ask if she's a sharer. If she loves variety, suggest small dishes to split-or swap plates halfway through the meal if you feel at ease.
6. Save the "Notice me!" soliloquy for Mom and Dad-that is, until your date asks about you. Because she will, if you let her steer the chit-chat. One man's self-involved boast is another's self-aware banter. It just depends who's inquiring.
7. Slide one sensitive topic about yourself into conversation and ask your date's opinion about it. This moment will be more memorable than the pricey dim sum or your canned jokes, since it's laced with trust, sincerity and vulnerability.
8. Keep PDA on the DL. A hand on the leg is too forward for a first date, but snuggling close in the corner banquet, with a kiss on the forehead, is just right.
9. Suggest a decadent dessert, even if she hesitates or says she's full. Every woman wants to secretly sample the chocolate mousse torte, though society prefers she order sherbet. Lift the burden, and try not to stare when she eats more than half.
10. Pay the bill, already. She'll do the faux wallet-reach, but that doesn't mean she actually wants to reach inside. If this one's a keeper, she'll pick-up the nightcap.
Scott Mebus is the author of "Booty Nomad" and "The Big Happy." Most recently, Scott was a producer for MTV and VH1. He lives in NYC with his wife Kristina Grish. www.scottmebus.com
Kristina Grish is a Contributing Editor to Marie Claire, and writes for various magazines including Cosmopolitan and Women's Health. Her latest book is "The Joy of Text: Dating, Mating and Techno-Relating." www.kristinagrish.com
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